Ay, Port.

28 Jul

LCD soundsystem are playing in Melbourne tomorrow night, and I want to go, real, real, freaking bad. But it had sold out before I even knew about it, so any yearning I had was well-thwarted; wrong city + no tickets = no go. But now they annouce last minute extra ticket sales, and the object of my desire becomes suddenly attainable.

All. I. Need. Is. Teleportation.

Is that really too much to ask? I mean, I dropped out of science in 5th form, and barely know my animals from my vegetables from my minerals, but surely teleportation could be sussed by now? Time saving, environmentally friendly, sparkly and/or psychadellic (I assume)- what more can we ask of science? Not much, I tell you, not much at all.

And I think we would all appreciate just how cool and futuristic¬†teleportation would make us feel. Better than spandex, even. Especially if we called it something catchy like ‘iPort pro’. See Science? I’ve done all the ground work, all the marketing, all the consumer research; the window of opportunity is open, the wind of change is ruffling your hair! Can’t you just step up and take on your responsibility, like the respected dicipline you are? It is, I believe, simple physics.


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