Self-flagellation

3 Aug

I have an irrational fear of zombies. Well, not really irrational- the idea of people you know and love turning into flesh-hungry, mutilated monsters (who according to more recent movies can run really, really fast) is abso-fucking-lutely terrifying. But I guess irrational in that such an event is pretty unlikely (and yet I touch wood; no harm in guarding against the infamous horror-movie last words: “xxxx don’t exist” right?)

My fear spawned from a movie jaunt where I had Sandra Bullock’s rom-com 28 Days in mind, and instead sat through the two hours of death and terror that is 28 Days Later. My bad. I hyperventilated the whole film, was sleep-deprived for weeks, and still can’t bear to be alone in large buildings. Or small ones, for that matter.

So last night, what compelled me to rent the ‘comedy’ Zombieland? Had I forgotten that I find nothing, nothing, funny about zombies? And why have I spent all day googling ‘zombie’ and reading plot synopses of other zombie-flicks? Am I some sort of computer-age flagellant, searching out images and stories to haunt my dreams? The fact that I am posting the images on my blog seems to suggest the affirmative.

The real messed up thing is that I console myself with the knowledge that should zombies somehow take over the world and come bursting through my bedroom door, my hysterical, fear paralysed, soiled-self would be an easy catch. Forget ‘survival instincts’; death and/or transformation into the living-dead would at least be quick.

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