Archive by Author

Berlin, aren’t you pretty?

9 Jan

My friends, artsy pictures here, party pictures on FB later. Consider this a wafer-taste of what is to come.

What Would Kanye Do?

15 Oct

I am currently listening to this song on repeat. It makes me want to do the following things:

1. learn the piano

2. toast to douche bags, assholes, scum bags, and jerk offs at any opportunity I get (including work drinks).

3. Be a gangster, or, at the very least, not white.

4. Swoon. Kanye, you beast.

Bon voyage

12 Oct

 

I’m migrating to America soon. Imagining something along these lines…

Images from “The Arrival” by Shaun Tan

I measure you in music!

11 Oct

I too was entranced by Eggers’ rant against keeping shit real, and when I stumbled across the above wee gem, I thought it really nutshelled it.

Perhaps a non-sequitur, but to me a similar vein- this weekend I erred most tellingingly, demanding a new pal listen to a favourite song of mine, a rather controverial choice. I instantly rued the move, having flashbacks to this story. And yet, I couldn’t resist. I told him to listen really really carefully to the lyrics. I tapped my finger at certain points, hoping my added emphasis would help him fully appreciate the humour. I explained the ethos behind it, forced my point, smiled knowlingly throughout certain verses, and wrapped up with philospohcial anaysis of why it is so awesome. Yikes.

I guess my saving grace is that most people don’t think Eminem has ever kept shit real, so I was more likely the judgee, not the judger.

Well?

13 Sep

 

 

All of them on Friday please.

Strange Powers

27 Aug

It seems that superpowers have been on my mind of late, I think due to the relentless repetition of the Magnetic Fields song Strange Powers in my head, and the wonderful This American Life podcast on super heroes I listened to last week.

I especially liked the interview with the author of the site Lost and Forgotten, which provides info on all of comic-book-land’s most failed superheroes. 3-D man, whose strength, stamina, and speed had TRIPLED was totally my favourite- not THREE times as fast, strong, and resilient as your average man! Heavens, he would …um…be able to carry a wooden bed-base alone? Probably lose in a fight with a gorilla? Be able to keep up with a car sticking to the speed limit in the central city?

But I do quite like the idea of not-so-super-superpowers– more achievable skills for the less ambitious century. So here are some ideas, feel free to contribute.

“The Hangoverator” Her beaming smile is all it takes to wipe that nausea and shame away!

“Ear Man” There to hear you bitch and moan about your workmates, night or day.

“Compliment Kid” you’re looking really, really good today. Nuff said.

“Professor Plunge” The coffee-maker who always remember how you like it. And who also has the power to tell you if you are infatuated or in love.

 “Supercharge” with a utility belt of cell phone chargers AND a multi plug, Super charge will never let you go flat.

 “Mr Massage” Self explanatory, and R-18 if you want it to be!\

Ok it’s Friday, give me a break. And now I can only think in the Superhero-title-line-power-voice. Am I Annoying-Girl?

Word-famous on the internet

25 Aug

I’m a notoriously terrible speller, which I blame in part on belonging to the spell-check generation, and in part on having spent time in the States as a kid. Those American spellings really fuck you up. It’s a pretty debilitating failure, which has resulted in many moments of shame. In my recent history, I’d say writing “Bango” as the answer to the crossword clue for “small stringed folk instrument” was pretty poor, especially as I have to admit that even Americans spell banjo with a “j”. Also shameful was being the scribe at a quiz the other day – what was I thinking – and having to stumble through two hours of people freaking sounding words out. If there’s one thing a bad speller hates, its people sounding words out. No matter how slowly you say it, or how much you emphasise the syllables, the ‘c’ in “necessary” sounds like a fucking s; maybe even two ses. Just spell if for me slowly, asshole.

So being published in a dictionary (albeit an urban dictionary) was a pretty cool moment for me – even if my word, and the spelling of it, were invented. In fact, that is perhaps the best part of it; no one will ever, ever, have to sound out “urpie” for me – it’s my neologism. I felt pr-et-ty cool. I wasn’t quite at the Palin-stage where I’d compare myself to Shakespeare, but the English geek in me really started to think that neologisms, and urban dictionary, were fun. That was until Urban Dictionary lashed me. Shame.